Parents are failing their children. Some even failed ages ago. What in the name of parenting is not happening?
Teenagers are out here carrying baggage that makes them look like 30 year olds (because when you hit third floor that is when you realize what is life.) They are out here carrying the pain and turmoil that have befallen them thanks to parents who believe they are bringing them up accordingly. They are finding sources of healing from avenues we never even knew existed during our times. Avenues that were absurd. Taboo to even talk about them. SUICIDE.
We have continuously refused to address them when they are moody, bored, grades go down drastically or when they decide to stay indoors all shaggy. Matter of fact, the bedroom is their favourite place in those houses. They just want to block the world out and the beaming stature quickly fades. Do you ask yourself (parent) what is happening? Do you create time to have chit chats because in the middle of banter that is when they are comfortable to open up? Have you created good rapport for approach or are you busy chasing careers and dreams that have kept your families apart? Kids of today want attention. Give most of it.
Let me dig in. This year parents and kids alike have been opening up to me in the essence of talking sense to either party. (Since when did I become the one who kicks senses into people’s minds? Politely, I’ve been amazed. The fact that kids I’ve watched grow can approach me is a blessing. I might become a mediator/shrink who knows) I have also been surveying different environs, listening to shocking tales as I mind my business and man, it scares one to be a parent. I don’t even want to be one in this future, maybe in the next. Fact is, it is hard raising up a millennial. Simply, there is no manual and it has never been there on ‘how to be the best parent.’ You think you providing them with all but to them you doing NOTHING! You call them ungrateful creatures, but in a way they are right since to them it is not the money, cars, houses, good lifestyle that matters. You think you’ve raised them in the Godly way, next moment they making headlines as thieves and murderers. One cannot tell where the nozzle burst open.
But I will tell you this for sure, whatever is happening in those little minds much of it has been factored in by parents. Take it or leave it!
Scenario 1: She (teen) was preparing dinner for her family. She wanted to kill herself, a slow painful death that would go unnoticed. The mosquito coil was there staring at her. She did the unthinkable and thank God it was a mosquito coil and not rat-rat because this would be another tale. She placed the coil in the food she was preparing. The confusing part was that she did not eat that food yet she is the one who wanted to die. Her plan was to take the food that had the coil concentration because to her thinking there was no way that concentration would spread out to the rest of the food. Her parents and sibling ate the food. Her mother noticed it during a second serving. (Do you think she wanted to kill her family?)
Trigger effect: She said she wanted to ‘REST IN PEACE.’ She is sick and tired of her drunk father. She has had it with the abuses he brings forth at home to her mother and insults he hauls at them. She is also done with her mother constantly screaming at her when her little sister does mess up.
Scenario 2: Girl (teen) drinks up office glue thinking it will kill her instantly. (In my lifetime, I have never thought glue kills!) Am told this is not her first attempt because during the school holidays she overdosed herself but luckily she survived. Shocker!
Trigger effect: Domestic issues.
Scenario 3: She (teen) was caught wearing another girl’s school skirt she stole from the hanging line. She was suspended but on her way home with her father, she saw a fast approaching vehicle. Yes- she jumped right to the road and was slightly hit.
Trigger effect: Financial constraints at home and her father is stressing her out.
Gone are the days when parents would beat us when our younger siblings misbehaved. We used to hate it but it was our responsibility to look after them anyway. We took the fall but try that these days and you might be unleashing demons. Like hell yea approach the little devils and discipline them.
Hormones, wrong company were blamed when we ‘changed.’ May be back then it was so but today nada! It is not the fucking hormones otherwise many would have died long time ago. That is what parents need to know. It is something deeper, creeping in slowly ready to devour your kids. They are slowly figuring out suicide.
Are we then supposed to pretend all is okay? In scenario 3, when our parents lacked money we understood. We knew God gave and His timing would come. Or we were made to accept that as the truth. So, should we hide it from them? Let them continue enjoying some boogie ass life so that stress is not a factor to them?
What I know is that parents should never argue in front of their kids. Take your marital affairs far from them because the moment they start witnessing abuse, you have killed them. It never leaves their memory even when they become adults. It affects them to the extent they fear marriage. They create a hate syndrome towards people and to you (parent) too. Spare them the drama.
We need to start discussing SUICIDE. Create platforms where parents can have conferences and exchange notes. Where we aren’t teaching them about ‘what makes a good/bad parent’ but the shift in techniques on parenting. Many are still in version 2.0 that has taken them nowhere but maybe a little upgrade would come a long way.
The same applies to our kids. Be it teenagers or youths. Let us leave the ‘how to make it/ how to be successful/ how to score grade A’ shenanigans. Can we create rooms where they just sit with note books and let them write all that is eating them up? Make it even better and play some inspiring music in French/Italian that they don’t know to avoid them singing along to known songs therefore shifting their focus then the whole place becomes a recording studio. Trust you me, they need that space where no one is shouting under a microphone and pumping knowledge they didn’t even ask for.
Lastly, counsellors, psychiatrists or shrinks are there for all of us. Let us not take them for granted. Booking an appointment doesn’t make you weak in fact it makes you stronger for having the balls to open up. Do not die inside alone. Unburden yourself. A problem shared is half solved. More so, let us be our neighbours keepers. Look out for them and when we notice the unusual, do not assume. Approach, talk it out and maybe you will have saved a life.
The above individuals are receiving professional counselling because girl here isn’t one and my mouth that has no zipper might say unnecessary things.