In my arms you won’t find comfort. Callous, am not but it’s just the way it is. Situations have come my way where even words fail me. I always ask myself ‘what if I do it wrongly, what if I say more than needed.” People close to me have lost loved ones. I avoid mortuaries like a plague, avoid wakes unless I have someone to go with to talk on my behalf, contemplate on what to write as the text message, spend hours looking at their phone number deciding if to call or not and this lady will show up at the burial ceremony. There I will avoid those who wail their hearts out.
You see even me when am emotional, I like to be left alone. I hate hearing words like ‘it shall be well, they are in a better place, only God knows why, stop crying’ and all that shenanigan. It takes more than that. There are some who take years to recover and it is alright to cry because it relieves our pains. It is alright to question why because in due time we come to fathom why. So I don’t like been someone am not. Deep down I sympathize but I don’t show it.
The other day someone was ranting out how their finances are hitting rock bottom. Upon acquiring further I didn’t see comfort in his story. I wasn’t going to sugarcoat and please his ego. So when I told him to put his financial shit together he looked at me in shock. Sarcastic. No. I just like hitting the nail on the head. Am that unapologetic. And this has happened to many of my friends where I don’t dilly dally with words, they have come to understand it is my nature.
I won’t grab a container of ice cream and add calories in the name of easing you if your beloved dumped you. Neither shall I propose a sad movie to cry our hearts out, cursing someone you held dear to. In fact, I will take you out to meet other people to show you the world doesn’t rotate on one individual. Am also the type that advocates for ‘if they aren’t treating you right, walk out.’ And here I mean parents. So many are in abusive relationships and they stay for the children, for the society to not judge them and to protect some vows they made. When I see village elders called to settle things that may/may not work out, I on the other hand will not tell you to stay.
The same goes for babies. I see many receive that spanking then we get cozy so that they can make their cries shorter. In the name of discipline, she never does that. I let them cry to see what misbehaving does. Frankly speaking, they dry their tears, create a conversation and things get back to normal. Even I was never sympathized with when I got my beatings. “Can you comfort your man?” Someone asked. “It depends with the situation and I will cross that bridge when I get there.” I replied.
If you want to hear the hard truth come to me. If you looking for comfort, search elsewhere. Am I the only one who operates like this? Are there others out there like me?