Friendship is ought to cherish the highs and lows of life in that we become each other’s rides or dies and I can rock Prada suit as I push a Cadillac truck with y’all on the back- you feel me! (Hehe excuse my gangster right there but The Lox banged it back then). However, there are those that bring shenanigans to the table that make me go like how the hell did we end up as buddies. These are the types I’m judging as I came across them well judged by Luvvie Ajayi in her book I’m Judging You-The Do Better Manual
So, let me unleash the dragon, here I come…. NB//First sentence to where the full stop ends is Luvvie’s. Rest, I rest my case.
- The Flake
You live in the same city as them but you only see them once a year because their superpower is that they will find a way to flake out of any and every event. They love making plans but before the D-day they will come up with an excuse as to why they can’t make it. I have an angle of them here who get the heebie-jeebies in coming up with the plan, implement but executing we know them to well.
- The Surface
That mysterious friend who we’ve known for years. You don’t know them beyond the surface level because they are guarded with everything. To make the long story long, you do not know what they do, what they up to, where they live. Nada. If you call yourself my pal yet I don’t know a hoot about your lifeline we better nullify the friendship agreement.
- The Competitor
Person who feels like their life is in direct competition with others and any win for someone else means they must tramp it. Their prowess is being able to make any good news you have into something about them and you realize they don’t wish you well. If am conquering deals and getting promos you better be dining and wining the efforts than trying to prove you can do it better to prove my win is no good. STAPH!
- The Adventurer
They push us out of our comfort zones by living on the edge and sometimes it gets too much sauce by acting like rock stars but without fame and money. Boo-thang I love your boogie ass but no way am gonna kill myself breaking earthly laws that might land us to major drama. Chill pills please but I gotta envy you though!
- The Frenemy
They’ve made it in their job and their life’s vision is to use you or someone else in your group as a verbal punching bag. They throw so much shade you have to use your flashlight app when you’re around them. Yes, you, stop scaring the bejesus outta everyone by using whatever bragging rights you got to make others look meek. Sit down, be humble!
- The SOS
In bad times you their BFFs but when in good times you only find out about their lives via social media. Like they only around when they are in need. I know yours truly got a comfy shoulder to lean on that lets you overstay but roger this, am not your dumping ground for life’s problems neither am I a therapist. Carry some benedictions at times.
- The Enabler
Friends should tell us tough truths and help correct things we do that aren’t on point. Those that never challenge you and cheer every single thing you do aren’t loyal. Do not be a cheerleader in my life. If my hair style, clothes, make up don’t rhyme don’t let me walk around looking like a scarecrow. Also, when we go shopping can you stop telling me how everything looks good on me. Am not opening a store! Moreover, when I put the lazy armor and all I do is wrong can you do the spot on check right away? Are you done? No. One more thing, what are friends for if we ain’t making future plans like investing and building empires side by side? C’mon!
- The Holy Roller
There is nothing wrong with taking pride in your spiritual beliefs but some of you take it overboard and make it hard to talk about. When I need a girl chat like how am slithering the city like a snake with guys, to my binge drinking or whatever gossip girls’ talk can you stop sanctifying everything. Do away with the preaching at times. Amen? AMEN!
- The Lannister
You feel obligated to remain friends with them because of history. However, you can’t trust them since they have done things in the past to others around you. I feel like these are those that snitch to cause mayhem, sleep around with your friends lovers, back stab you when you aren’t around, keep on apologizing but for who? I will let you thrive since they say keep your friends close and friends closer.