Posted in writing

Unwanted Guest

Guest, I do not know where to start with you but since I have always wanted to spat it lemme do this ASAP. I hate it when you give me a call to alert that you are on your way while on my end am always planning how to escape the four walled boredom that surrounds me. I plan on how to accommodate your stay, the chit chat that shall consume our days in one roof, the movies that shall pass time and rarely notice one another and when you shall leave are always well outlaid.

Guest, when I cook one meal and out of the blues you pop out is not taken lightly. Your unannounced presence tempts me to send you away hungry, hide the food or eat it as you stare into my mean face. More so, the tendency to show up when am cooking my favorite meal makes me curse the aroma that is always welcoming you at my doorstep.

I do not know why but you always know the A-Z of my life. Like how I dress, how I talk, the number of shoes you find at the floor, my visitors excreta excreta. Poking your nose where it ain’t supposed to be never made you get a flu and the ‘mind your own business’ medicine has never come your way. We seem to be bumping into each other at the hymn of ‘think of the devil and they appear.’ I do not know why you can’t see you are unwanted here.

The type of your stature seems to be attracting my hormones to you. Today it’s you, tomorrow it’s another, the day after is another and I wonder how many relatives you got. I try to picture the message you pass across to them “today is your turn, I was there last week, make sure she doesn’t throw you out…” kind of talk. Then they turn up some cute as if to show off they can impress and others untidy as if they slept in a pit on the streets.

In the wake of been unwanted you have become the wanted guest, the guest I seem to be missing and your dilly dally makes me question what takes you so long. How I cuddle your soft skin under my arms when am bored, how playful we may be at times, how you read my mind when I do not want any disturbance and when I hit you hard you make sure not to repeat the mistakes again. My guilty conscience when I’ve had my fill and empty the rest to the bin had been rescued by your tiny hungry stomachs that you licked when gratified. Now your manifestation is deeply encouraged to help me clear my plates. Apparently, mishaps have been happening and the kitty kingdom seems to be taking you one by one as you feed on anything you find without consulting the smell and taste senses.

Adoption has never occurred to me since I turned one of your own into mine. Without any animal contraceptive around it brought to the world so many that our house turned into a cat den. With the boxes I filled up with soil for toilet training, sneaking milk and meat to them was a hustle and I even donated an old blanket to warm them up in the cold seasons. I was such a darling and mind you since I couldn’t keep them all, they were adopted by close friends. When mother cat was on her fourth pregnancy ready to go into labor someone stole her or maybe she died but never heard or saw of her again. Her boyfriend was so depressed that his numerous visits to our house made him thinner and I later discovered he died, so sad.

My neighbors’ cats, my unwanted guests.


Posted in adventures, nature, Travel, writing

Destination Desert

They say they can’t go to a desert. How can they survive with all the satanic heat, the mocking shining sun that seems to enjoy the rate at which bodies perspire? The strong sandy wind that screams of blindness, deafness and muteness! The frightening storms that yell of a hurricane and might strike one alive; the alarming rate of scorpions, sand snakes and God knows what other creatures crawl in it. Moreover, the carcasses that smell of hunger, thirst and the greedy vultures that never get enough of them! What of those zombies that i saw in Mad Max and Road Wars appeared and terrorized my journey? Are they for real, do such exist? They be asking. No desert hun, no one wants to come to you.

Me, myself and I in one package however, wants to come to you. I am longing for the sunscreen that cheats on the scorchy sun, the massive water bags to remind me that i am supposed to at least have eight glasses a day. I want to sink in the sand and feel like am swimming in it, to see hills of sand and marvel at what nature has to offer. I want to dress like an Arab while taking those long strides with a camel as my companion. I want to see families crisscrossing my paths as they head for different destinations in  your territory and exchange conversations with them. Desserts in the desert will satisfy my empty stomach since cooking will be out of the picture since no tree stands out in you out of the spreading desertification and if one tree existed wouldn’t want to desertify you more.

My journey will not be complete without a ride in those muscle wheeled cars and bikes through you. I have always fantasied of how i would get stuck going uphill and be taken in awe with a shovel ready to shove the sand away or how rain will shower me in sand formation as i struggle to push the vehicle out.

They have cursed you with sayings like you dry, dwelling place of our demons, a place without expectation and many more that may not welcome me to you if i keep my ears open. I leave the naysayers alone but am not threatened since i am planning of when to pay you a visit.

Since then, be ready for my coming, DESERT.




Posted in communication, counselling, family, marriage

Trouble in Paradise

Danger is looming in the marriage institution. The demon has decided to attack wives just like it appeared to Eve on that fateful day and put us all to hell. Now all what these women can think of is plotting to kill their husbands so that they can inherit all the properties. Call it greed but is there more to it? What would make your wife of many years go psycho all of a sudden?

She even goes to the extent of celebrating when she receives the news that her hubby is dead. Where they get this notions from only thriller movies know best. So am looking at it from different angles. To kick it off, i think this wife of yours married you for the money, envisioned how paradise would be and since God seems to be delaying in calling you to rest, she takes it upon herself to end it. Then she can inherit it all, MAYBE share the rest with SOME poor greedy relatives who arranged and rushed the marriage in the first place and here you are claiming she LOVES you. Sorry Mister she never did and has never loved you.

Beware of who you end up marrying. Be a CID and do those undercover unearthing to her and her family because somewhere in between lies murder genes that mutated and took over a greater percentage in her. This rush towards marriage either to societal pressures or wanting to be in the same level as your age mates needs to stop. Remember it’s a two people affair and you are not marrying the entire village. So, date for as long as it takes you, let them come out of the closet and get to know their worst behavior that can be tolerated even when you say I DO.

Lack of communication has also contributed to this aftermath. Either each of you is so busy to let their anger out or ego does not permit into seeing one’s mistakes. She has been trying to pass a message across but you never heed to it. She has swallowed it all and been on the verge of vomiting it out, death is her only solution to end this torture and misery you made her carry. So dear couples, sit, talk, throw those tantrums and pillows at each other but at the end of it all have a solution.

Lack of satisfaction has made men go out of their marriages in search of greener pastures. However, grass ain’t greener on the other side since the other party wants to extort every cent of your bank account as you continue to receive those pleasures. Then there is this thing of wanting to be a teenager when your body muscles cannot even allow it. You want to go down the memory lane to those days you chased after girls, clubbed weekend long not  taking a moment to contribute to your family’s welfare. When your wife feels threatened and see her future and those of your children doomed due to your promiscuity, why then can’t she kill you? You are no longer a teen so you better MAN UP or the gun, knife will do the talking.

Demands, demands and demands. For sure women can be a nag and if you ain’t measuring up to her expectations woe unto you. You got the money, you ain’t treating her right, she resembles more of a hag than a wife and you don’t give a damn about it, trust you me if she doesn’t walk out,she has something in store for you. Kindly, be giving them the attention they need and make them feel loved.

Women for the love of the marriage you dreamed of, be patient, pray, learn to listen, be understanding, work harder and bring money to the table not always relying on his money and  keep calm. Rome wasn’t build in a day neither is it a bed of roses. Thorns will always be there to prick it, your waters will be tested a lot and how acidic, basic or neutral you emerge out of it, is how both of you handle your issues.

If you cannot communicate then a visit to a marriage counselor  is just a knock away. Fire in paradise can be cooled off by therapy which involves the two of you taking that broad step to keep the boat afloat.

Next time you cannot take it, divorce is there or better still walk out. It will be so sad when you will be sentenced to a lifetime and not see your kids grow. Before you hire those goons in the name of professional murderers, sit down to plot, THINK TWICE.