Posted in communication, gender, my library, reading

The Martians


When i was going about on a research on gender communication, i bumped into Gray’s book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus used as a reference. So to quench my curiosity on why this particular book i decided to download a copy and read. The phrase is used in our day to day talk not forgetting i heard many years back people praise the book but it never got my attention back then.  In relationships we dig deep into understanding one another but how miserably we fail most of the times. He said is not what she translates  but this confusion in communication has been the downfall to so many ties. This is a good read and it brought to my understanding why people behave the way they do and when i need to be there or not.he/she said

My review starts with  Men are from Mars…..Ladies listen up;

Men are goal oriented or simply call them solution oriented. They value power, efficiency, competency and achievement and that is why they do things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Experience fulfillment through success and accomplishment; neither concerned with people nor feelings but by objects and things that help them express power by creating results and achieving goals.

Aha, ladies that is why they resist so much corrections or being told what to do since offering a man unsolicited advice is presuming that they do not know what to do or cannot do it on their own. And that “i want to change him” nagging through assisting him, nurturing is quite bothersome to them as they feel like you controlling them while all they need is acceptance.

A man will rarely talk about his problems unless he is in need of an expert’s advice and if they come knocking( not to an expert)  it only shows wisdom and that they respect you to talk about their issues. In times of stress they handle it by becoming focused and withdrawn. They hide in the cave and you keep on wondering why he is so cold. Well, he probably is:

  • thinking about a problem and finding a practical solution
  • doesn’t have an answer to a question
  • is upset or stressed
  • needs to find himself

Getting burned by the dragon! Women do not want to try and get a man to talk before he is ready. I know they reply am ok, it is nothing, it is alright, it is fine, i am fine while indeed you want expounded answers but unfortunately that is how they talk.

In terms of motivation, men do well when they feel needed. When not needed they become passive, less energized giving less to the relationship. When he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered to give more. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.

Are men afraid? Yes they are and it is manifested in terms of giving. To extend himself in giving to others means to risk failure, corrections and disapproval. Consequences are painful because deep inside his unconscious he holds an incorrect belief that he is not good enough. First step for a man in learning how to give more is realize it is OK to make mistakes and it is OK to fail and that he doesn’t have to have all the answers.

When a man loves…..he is motivated to do his best to serve others, feels confident about himself and capable of making major changes. He is released from binding chains of being motivated for himself alone and becomes free to give to another not for personal gain but out of caring. Men are not hungry to give love but starving for it only that their biggest problem is that they do not know what they are missing. Depression gets the better part of them when their relationships fail and that is when they stop caring.

That is just the nitty gritty but if you want more download a copy. Ladies you ain’t spared yet coming into you soon and i know men are in awe for this one.

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Living my life, exploring it, yearning more of it and learning from it.

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