Posted in inspiration, writing

Rejection- The Mother To Perfection

Digging into books, journals, internet was a habit that cropped as my thirst to more information was not quenched. The praise and excitements that followed from friends who believed i was good at it, to the lazy ones who handed over their research assignments at a fee of course to the lecturers who thought everyone wanted to be in Eva’s group for her good research skills (and they all depended on me to do the damn work)…am not bluffing but that how it was.  However, in my cocoon i was just doing my work at my level best.

Not till my friend got used to singing the same song day in day out that i needed to try my hands at freelance writing. The answer was always “will think of it”. This blog was not even my A thing but well, am here now pushing myself to keep it alive. To evade that song, i got down on it. Those who were in the business gave me a list of links to try on but nothing excited me. You see i had to write articles, wait for them to be approved for my account to be activated. For example, in Academia Edu one has to write with a certain referencing style like Chicago, Harvard, APA that i must admit even my language lecturer back in the days had a hard time letting them sink in but i survived.

The long awaited reply never came through and yes i had been warned(or is it discouraged) that it was not easy getting an account at academia.edu. That pain quickly faded away though the only thing that stood between me and writing was myself. Iwriter was the last account i ever opened. Starting at the standard level was the kick off point to climbing the elite and professionals ladder. Topics here were not what i expected and having to write for only 75% and above rated writers was what i looked for. I logged in, tried but whenever i saw a topic of interest and clicked on write, “oops keywords are in use, another writer beat you” replies was what i got.

Deactivating my account was the next thing on my mind and just as i was about to do so a certain topic struck me and as quick as possible wrote and submitted it. That was how i got my first pay online with a 3.5 star rating. My spirit skyrocketed to another level that i even forgot how hard it had been. My second article was also approved with a 5 star rating. Dollar dollar bill y’all. dollarHowever, that all changed with my 3rd article. In Iwriter, if you have a rating of 3.4 and below your account is banned. Your A game must be on point from the rest of the writers. My lucky number became my doom number. Three. It all vanished. What my buddy forgot to mention was that his first account got banned too but he never gave up and as i am writing this, he is among the best freelance writers i know of.

Thoughts bomber my mind if i should continue on this journey by opening another account on Iwriter. It all takes patience am told. My first rejection should not determine my fate but am going to use it to make it into perfection. Practice makes perfect. Time to think of plan D,E or which was it? Keep calm and hustle on.

Posted in national holidays

Mashujaa Day

The transition from celebrating an individual to appreciating others marked our calendars to this day. The day when heroes would be recognized from all corners of my motherland Kenya. From small to big, famous to the unknown we all have those we call a hero since they bring about positive impacts in our lives. Not that they have superpowers like spider-man and superman, but tirelessly dedicate their work through all they do, without expecting anything in return. Their actions have spoken louder.

Through determination, our freedom fighters fought for our independence. Their sacrifices saw many arrested, killed, tortured but they broke the chains of colonialism. Mzee Jomo Kenyatta, Dedan Kimathi, Tom Mboya, Bildad Kagia, Ronald Ngala among others steered this country to greater heights and today we cherish them.

Nobel prize winner the Late Wangari Maathai ensured the environment was sustainable for future generations. She denied access to grabbing of parks for construction, facilitated the Green Belt Movement and in her honor planting of trees was adopted. Her  famous quote, “I will be a hummingbird, i will do the best i can” left a great impact.

Our sportmen and women continue to fly the Kenyan flag higher. From athletes, rugby, javelin, swimming they have made us proud and showcased our love, unity, strength and yes they are our heroes.

Months to years, they left their homes, fought, died, survived. Bringing an end to terrorism our military soldiers embarked on a journey that reduced the attacks on our soil. More so, those left behind continued and still fight for us. Salute.

fallen soldiers
to our fallen soldiers

Art in music, acting, comedy, writing through creativity fostered the likes of Thomas Wesonga whose songs celebrate Kenya, Churchill the comedian who nurtured other comedians into the industry, Ngugi wa Thiong’o through their writing inspired many, not forgetting other artists in different platforms like records that ensure the talents of the young in singing are let out, actors and actresses who over time embraced our culture. And many more…hongera.

Who is my hero? Sincerely through my different interactions with people i cannot per say finger point who my hero is. Weird but am still figuring it out though in my self centered world am my hero. However, my hats off would be to the organizations and movements by the youth that continue to impact lives through poverty alleviation in worst hit areas, those that ensure the girl child has access to education by shaming early marriages, female genital mutilation, not forgetting the boy child from shackles of been radicalized into gangs, drug and alcohol abuse, ethnic clashes through cattle rustling.

Thumbs up to those that go into marginalized areas to bring out the best in them through talent search. For through them poetry, footballers, rappers, drawing, fashion designers pops up. Rise of the ghettos a reminder that it does not matter where you come from but indeed dreams are valid.

Media personalities who are never ashamed to let the cat out of the bag despite the risks, i cheer you. Their coverage been from all dimensions, they have helped Kenyans come together, generated help where needed and yes we have saved lives.

Kudos to my parents for showing me that parenthood is not an easy job. Through their sacrifices, determination they ensured that this lady over here( yuhuu) got the best in life. Instilled hard work, independence, prayer and values that guide me in my daily routine.

The list is long but I’ll stop there. To my fellow Kenyans, happy mashujaa day.happy mashujaaSo, who is your hero?

Ps: I might never have met her, yearning to meet her, but Amina Mohamed, Cabinet Secretary for Foreign Affairs is my hero. Her braveness, intelligence to represent Kenya in different international venues is a big bravo. Driving us from point A-B, she deserves the hero tag.

Posted in communication, gender, my library, reading

The Venusians

(Drums rolling…..) I know you all have been waiting to hear about women? Ooh yes after sharing the truth  about men and their communication, they have been waiting to hear of their opposite gender. This is from Gray’s book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus that really says it all. Here is my review. So, men listen up…..planetWomen are relationship oriented as they value love, communication, beauty. Supporting, helping and nurturing one another is what they do best since their fulfillment is satisfied through sharing and relating to each other. Rather than building highways, buildings (although in my nation they really coming up in real estates) their concern is more of community loving, cooperation and harmony.

Most of their energy is invested in personal growth, spirituality and everything that can nurture life, healing and growth. Even without been asked they like helping their fellow Venusian and this intuitive ability has developed through centuries. Parks, organic gardens, shopping centers and restaurants covers their world (no wonder those dates are usually in one of these places as they suggest so).

Now when it comes to stress they ain’t anything close to men who go to caves but speaking it out they know how. She will seek someone who she trusts and talk in great detail about her problems. She is not ashamed of them hell no…women egos are dependent not  on looking competent but being in loving relationships. (Aha, now you know why she talks, talks, talks or is it complain). Why?

  • To gather information
  • Create intimacy
  • Feel better and more centered when upset
  • Explore and discover what it is she wants to say

Cherishing a woman is her key point on giving her the much needed motivation. You wonder why all of a sudden she becomes compulsively responsible and exhausted from giving too much? She is not been cherished. However, when cared for and respected, she is fulfilled and has more to give as well.

When a woman loves……(she loves for real). They are tired of giving and want time off to explore, being themselves, care about themselves first (maybe that is where the slang “doing me” comes in). Someone to provide emotional support, not someone to take care of (they need a grown up man if you feeling me). As a woman matures she also learns new strategies for giving but major changes tends to be learning to set limits in order to receive what she wants. When she gives too much she tends to blame her partner for her unhappiness therefore feels the injustice of giving more than she has received. (You say she plays hard to get, maybe you not giving her what she wants).

Fear is also seen in them as they are afraid of receiving. Afraid of needing too much and then been rejected, judged or abandoned. (Do i need to explain that? No).

Men going into caves stresses women out but you can support a man in his cave by;

  • Not disapproving of his need for withdrawing
  • Not trying to help him solve his problems by offering solutions
  • Not trying to nurture him by asking questions about his feelings
  • Not sitting next to the door of his cave waiting for him to come out
  • Not worrying about him or feeling sorry for him
  • Doing something that makes you happy

Well, i think that explains it all. That is just my summary but if you want more of it, like always grab a copy or download one.

Ps: It’s the weekend have a good one.

Posted in communication, gender, my library, reading

The Martians

When i was going about on a research on gender communication, i bumped into Gray’s book Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus used as a reference. So to quench my curiosity on why this particular book i decided to download a copy and read. The phrase is used in our day to day talk not forgetting i heard many years back people praise the book but it never got my attention back then.  In relationships we dig deep into understanding one another but how miserably we fail most of the times. He said is not what she translates  but this confusion in communication has been the downfall to so many ties. This is a good read and it brought to my understanding why people behave the way they do and when i need to be there or not.he/she said

My review starts with  Men are from Mars…..Ladies listen up;

Men are goal oriented or simply call them solution oriented. They value power, efficiency, competency and achievement and that is why they do things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Experience fulfillment through success and accomplishment; neither concerned with people nor feelings but by objects and things that help them express power by creating results and achieving goals.

Aha, ladies that is why they resist so much corrections or being told what to do since offering a man unsolicited advice is presuming that they do not know what to do or cannot do it on their own. And that “i want to change him” nagging through assisting him, nurturing is quite bothersome to them as they feel like you controlling them while all they need is acceptance.

A man will rarely talk about his problems unless he is in need of an expert’s advice and if they come knocking( not to an expert)  it only shows wisdom and that they respect you to talk about their issues. In times of stress they handle it by becoming focused and withdrawn. They hide in the cave and you keep on wondering why he is so cold. Well, he probably is:

  • thinking about a problem and finding a practical solution
  • doesn’t have an answer to a question
  • is upset or stressed
  • needs to find himself

Getting burned by the dragon! Women do not want to try and get a man to talk before he is ready. I know they reply am ok, it is nothing, it is alright, it is fine, i am fine while indeed you want expounded answers but unfortunately that is how they talk.

In terms of motivation, men do well when they feel needed. When not needed they become passive, less energized giving less to the relationship. When he feels trusted to do his best to fulfill her needs and appreciated for his efforts, he is empowered to give more. Not to be needed is a slow death for a man.

Are men afraid? Yes they are and it is manifested in terms of giving. To extend himself in giving to others means to risk failure, corrections and disapproval. Consequences are painful because deep inside his unconscious he holds an incorrect belief that he is not good enough. First step for a man in learning how to give more is realize it is OK to make mistakes and it is OK to fail and that he doesn’t have to have all the answers.

When a man loves…..he is motivated to do his best to serve others, feels confident about himself and capable of making major changes. He is released from binding chains of being motivated for himself alone and becomes free to give to another not for personal gain but out of caring. Men are not hungry to give love but starving for it only that their biggest problem is that they do not know what they are missing. Depression gets the better part of them when their relationships fail and that is when they stop caring.

That is just the nitty gritty but if you want more download a copy. Ladies you ain’t spared yet coming into you soon and i know men are in awe for this one.

Posted in motorbikes, vehicles

Vintage all the way

What are you driving? What is your dream car? Between the classics and the new school which one would you choose?

Cars….vroom vroom.. just the thought of buckling up your seat beat, letting that engine do the talking. No matter the cc, break horsepower, whether it consumes diesel, petrol, you love it. Pimping up we do from changing the rims, painting to a new color, changing the seats, adding more woofers to boom those songs, adding another exhaust and redecorating the interior.

I choose the classics any day all the way. They just have this oomph that makes you scream, melt and be dolled up since they are so unique and classy. Like i always say i hate uniformity. All roads pilled up with just one brand of car is just so boring, nothing to make you stop and marvel at a ride.

Concours d’elegance happens annually every last Sunday of September in my country. This is where all those oldschool mini coopers, volkswagen, citroen, bentley, alfa romeo, aston martin, rolls royce, MG GT, benz, jaguar, ford among others represent. This is one event i save up for since missing it just kills my morale. So, yes i attended, marveled, had fun, entertained and longing for next year.

Here is a couple of the classics:

https://web.facebook.com/Evamadam/posts/1003144613058573?pnref=story